well, see you on Monday. I hope you have fun tonight. 

hindi ko na hahangaring makasama kang muli,
hindi ko kayang makita kang may dinaramang sakit.
habang ako'y nabibighani,
sa mga mata mong sawi.

Nakahihinayang lamang isipin.
Kung nabigyan tayo ng panahon
na magkakilala nang walang
dinadalang lungkot
sa tingin ko ay magiging masaya tayo.

hindi siguro ngayon,
marahil hindi na mangyari.
pero kung nagkataon,
ipinapangako ko,
hindi ka na luluha pang muli.

tomorrow

It's during these nights when I miss you the most.

When the cold air kisses the veins in my body,

Especially the ones connected to the heart,

I long for connecting yours through the empty spaces

between my fingers.

When the majestic moon shines early,

illuminating all 4 corners of the room,

And I see your shadow in one;

in my side, my corner. 

When in the silence of the night,

I hear you whisper-- though not my name,

And it reaches me and I reply,

with screaming thoughts of how it used to be.

When the clear skies show multitude of stars,

And I wait for even just a single one to fall,

then maybe I can make a wish- however futile

for you to fall back for me too.

It's during these nights when I miss you the most.

The same nights that make me look forward to sunrise.

the other night you told me how your heart was breaking. how you cant let go of he who caused it. a little piece of my heart broke. i remembered, giving anything and everything just so you won't be hurt. even if it was hard, even if i was hurting. but maybe that's what i did wrong. i loved too much. i gave too much. and maybe you did not like that. yeah, that probably what happened.

but as your heart was breaking, a little piece of mine cracks like a horcrux of yours living inside mine.

i never broke your heart. it never broke when we were together. and maybe that is why i was easier to let go.

now i know--

you never loved me as much as you could have done so.. as much as you love him now.

Dreams

Dreams give you this schizophrenic feeling when you wake up. the wildest dreams leave you blank when you wake up in the morning. you actually do not know what to make of it. when you dream of something exciting, you wish you hadn't left that dream land far too soon. but when dreams act like what they really are-- the tip of your iceberg of a mind-- it strikes you like a lightning on a rainy day. it's veracity pushing back up what you've been keeping to yourself, what you've buried under the inner most part of your soul. sucks like that, really. because you can't necessarily control what you dream of. they just surprise you like that. what to make of it-- i've yet to realize. 


if you thought you needed me, why leave in the first place?

Has it really been a year already?

I must admit, I don’t remember vividly how it happened. I don’t remember how it all ended. What I do remember, though, was why it happened. What I know now is why it had to happen. Like I said in a previous post, in Ted Mosby’s words, “Sometimes, things fall apart to make way for better things”. True story.. I may not know what it is yet, but I know it would be something better. No one knows the future, but the limitless possibilities that it presents to us is quite exciting. It would be scary, yes, but we really do not have a choice but to face it, right?

A year ago, I was broken; devastated and melancholic. But I know one thing that I never told anyone until today—that during that night, I saw it coming. I knew it would happen. I knew it had to and I was just scared to face it. It wasn’t easy, but it’s something I had to go through. Because relationships that are broken means building new and stronger ones. And I can say that I emerged better—having a better relationship with my God and my family. 3 things that I know helped me—my faith, my family and the friends that I truly have. Besides, how can you be sad when you know you’re coming home to a cute little boy like this young lad—

Well, that was that. Moving on is a strange feeling just because you’re not used to it. Changes happen and life moves on. Plus, sometimes, you just have to take notes from this man:

ps. to whoever you are who's gonna take the place beside her, i hope you do better than what i can do best. she deserves nothing less. kthxbye. ;)

I'm an avid fan of Postsecret ever since I was in HS. There is something about reading other people's secrets that make you feel.. less alone. Whether you can directly relate to one's secret or not, it gives you an understanding that whatever you are going through, other people goes through the same-- or sometimes worse. I remember giving a copy of one of the books to someone for her birthday. It seem rather strange to give a book compiled of strangers' secrets for a birthday present isn't it? But I'd want to inspire her that time. I wanted to let that person know that whatever she was going to go through, people have gone through worse; kind of weird to take comfort from other people's misery? Maybe a bit, but only can one see what others do not have and what one has can one appreciate how blessed he/she is, right? Postsecret is compilation of secrets that include the most (seemingly) absurd to the simplest thing but i think it shows us one important thing-- that we are given life and we should always give importance to it, no matter what. 

PS.

I think i found the perfect postsecret to tell that certain person:

who knows, maybe i did send it, right? 

Finding Numi

So you remember how we all went to boracay 2 weeks ago? We set on a quest to find a very rare kind of mammal under the sea. We did not have an underwater cam, buti nalang my sister had this zip lock for camera thing that allowed us to take photos in underwater and thus getting a shot or two of the rare mammal that, as I heard, is the cutest thing on earth. haha!

Presenting.. numi! or should i say.. nu-ME (gets gets? ) hahaha

                                                         
Finding Numi. hahahaha! Bow.

UPDATED:

since i recently found out that there are actually, exactly, 2 people who bothered to click on my blog.. to defend my dignity.. i have a "cooler" shot of this Numi under the Sea. haha!

Yes, kaya cool kasi may shades. HAHAHA

UPDATED AGAIN:

and since i found out my good friend sansan bothered looking at this soupy blogpost, here's for you @sansanitamiamor :

Finding Sani

Circa 2008

Wild, HUH. you never dare to get this kitty mad. LOL 

Because i cant tell you

I dont owe you an explanaion but i will anyway. I didn't plan it, if that is what you were thinking. I did not know you were there. Besides, we were out as two friends who have not seen each other for the longest time. Besides, she has her own guy. Besides, i wont ever do that to you. And you did not have to do what you did tonight. I did not have to see it. But maybe i do, too. Because i realize i have gone a huge step towards getting better. Perhaps, i needed that to confirm to myself that i have accepted our fate. I tried to cry, but somehow i didnt. Maybe i was happy for you. Maybe i am. But i still do miss the "old times". It used to be us. But sometimes things fall apart to make way for better ones. And maybe you are happy. Then i am happy for you. Besides, you deserve the best. We both do. And only God knows what it is.

By the way, you still catch me with your simple jeans and shirt. Stay beautiful, inside and out.



- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

5 Bros and a Bride

My sister went home for around 10 days to attend a wedding in Boracay. The
family ended up going with her for a sort of family summer vacay. it was one of the best vacations we had because we were.. complete. Anyway, my sister went back to NZ today. It's always more fun when she's around. I dunno, i feel much more safe. maybe because i really am the bunso or youngest and that i always feel that i'm safe whenever my ate is around. she's a strong woman, you know. tough, brave and smart, too. plus, the H6, as we call ourselves, is always tougher when complete. parang voltes 5 lang yan, pero uhh 6 kami.  pic above is our photo in boracay with my sister-in-law and baby theon. So nice to have a family as fun as the legendary hernandez 6.Here's a video of the onsite AVP of my sister's wedding back in October last year.

Just another day

it is going to be the first time in 4 years that i won't be planning anything for tomorrow, June 10. for the past years ever since half my college life, 10th of June has always been special. it was when i made a promise to someone that "i'd be on her side" to which i faithfully did as much as i can. I remember the tireless weeks of planning and planning, taking photos, editing videos, pulling out the perfect song. I remember the pizza, the balloons, the cake and that simple gesture of hug on the street. I also remember the 'slumber party' and how i managed to cook my very first red-sauced pasta and nachos. The cheese dip and sauce were awesome, to say the least. I remember the website I put up so friends all over the world can write on it. i remember making a semi- Dr. Seuss poem that i don't think was appreciated as much as I was excited about it. I remember the book of compiled secrets and how I attached my own secret on it. And I remember how she promised me nothing will ever change once the school year starts-- everything started to change 2 weeks after.

These, for a fact, were fun times. This is why I have been conflicted the past few days. For the first time in 4 years, June 10 will be a normal day. no gimiks, no surprises, no cakes, no songs. Just another day. And though I have a chance of doing something because i still care, I probably won't. It's not because I don't care anymore, but it's because I just want to start getting used to June 10 not being special. besides, I am already getting used to not having her around. besides, she was the one who decided to go. Thing is, I still feel like I need to do something just so her day won't be a waste.  because i still care about her. Because, once in my lifetime, i did love her. And though I know everyone who knew of what I've been through the past year would definitely disagree or be mad at me.. part of me is still saying: just this one last time. 

Happy Birthday.

Christmas in May

it’s kind of weird that I am listening to Christmas tunes right now. It’s (only) the 23^rd of May so Christmas time isn’t due until the BER months but somehow, I just found it interesting to listen to these tunes. I don’t know, maybe because of the gloomy weather we have, setting up the mood and all. It’s actually kind of chilly but I wouldn’t count that because I am inside the office and of course we do have our air-conditioning system at full blast. But still, my mood somehow looked for the Christmas tunes. Not the usual tunes though, like the classics. These are music from various artists such as Dashboard Confessionals and Deathcab for cutie. Just sharing.

What is it with Christmas really, that makes people become more generous and all? Well, I think because of the unspoken rule that Christmas time is time of giving— at least for the Catholic Church—that is; from Santa to God giving his only Son. And because of this, workers seem to get more than their average salaries and they get bonuses and somehow they are obliged to share these small blessings. Wouldn’t it be better to have Christmas season every month? More money, more giving, more gifts for kids and as cheesy as it may sound—more love.

My guess, why I suddenly looked forward to the season is because there are just so much hatred around me right now; On a small scale like in the workplace, among friends and most especially among the society. Especially now that there are ongoing political debates on a passage of a certain Reproductive Health Bill which continues to divide the country among their political, religious and social belief. There are so much hurt, so much anger and so much emotions running around the world. Again, wouldn’t it be nice to push in fastforward to the only season when people seem to be a little more giving, a little more caring and gentle. For a change, no matter what religious belief you guys follow, let’s try sharing forgiveness and peace. Let’s accept that we have our own views, our own choices and our own freedom. Let’s not teach our values to others—let’s live by our own moral values—by ‘moral’ I mean living a life where you don’t hurt other people with the decisions you make.

So I declare that starting today, it’s Christmas time. At least in terms of giving things that are immaterial which most often are more important. Have a very merry Christmas! 

Time catching up

Not today, tomorrow, or someday soon.
written in August of 2008. 

it was drizzling, and there was a slight wind that touched our faces. we, at the moment, were quite sure of the place we are at that time. me, standing close to her, staring at her lovely face and she, looking directly at my eyes as if searching my entire soul. i put my hands around her waist, as she placed hers around my neck. i gave her a warm hug. that time, we were solitary. i never felt more secured. she, tightly pressing her whole entity into mine.. i. gently putting her close to me as if we've never seen each other for a long time. it seemed like it lasted for hours, even though the fantasy lasted for only about a quarter of a minute.. i wanted it never to last.. i knew, i could be in that same spot and do the same thing for a day or maybe two. i softly whispered words, that i know she didn't hear. as we return to our own existence, softly removing our locked hands, she leaned to me and kissed me. that was it. in the middle of the cold night, i felt the warmest lips gently touching my face.

Before we parted ways, i whispered to her, "if people always leave.. and you or i have to leave one day.. that day won't be today, tomorrow, or someday soon. as long as i can, i'll be here."

there were no stars in the sky. but i surely held one, in my hands that night.

Singing.

Tiger, Tiger,
You are the dreamer
Why won’t you inspire me tonight?

Tiger, tiger,
There’s something about her
That brings the world to a stop.

I’m taken away by your foolish charm.
Will go on and say, dear, won’t you be mine?
There’s not much to say, no alibis
I just want you to stay here with me tonight.

Tiger, Tiger,
We were good together,
Why was I so afraid?

We’ve gone so much further
Away from each other
Now destiny’s futile on us.

I’m taken away by your foolish charm.
Will go on and say, dear, won’t you be mine?
There’s not much to say, no alibis
Can I stay here for another chance?

You took me away with your foolish charm.
And now I just say, dear, I love you now.
If I were to stay here, will you be glad?
And if not, I just want to hold your hand.

Tiger, tiger,
You are the dreamer,
You inspired me to write.



- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

Alchemist

For a tangible thing, death is a norm.

Things that are made and born into existence,

Live their purpose and goes out with dignity.

And we bury them from our living.

We bury them but we do not forget.

Because a life that served a purpose,

Leaves a scar to everything it has touched,

And makes a memory live a lifetime or more.

And a memory either causes joy or pain.

It is those joyful moments that bring us

Nostalgic snippets of what we had,

Of what we will never have again.

Death comes like an alchemist of gold.

As it turns things that we often take for granted,

Into those that we would love to hold on forever.

And death is as surreal as an alchemist.

And death—like love or faith or promise,

Will always be unearthed with memory.

And we wonder how we could live forever.

Kailangan nating maghiwalay

This was written by a good mentor and friend, Mr. Ron Capinding aka RoboCap.


Kailangan nating maghiwalay
upang malaman natin kalaunan
kung mayroon nga tayong pinagsamahan,
kung buo pa rin tayong dalawa kahit wala na 'yung isa,
kung mabibitbit ba natin ang pinagsaluhan nating mga sarap kahit tapos na ang salu-salo,
kung magaling nga tayong magtanim ng mga halamang hindi habambuhay na aasa sa hardinero,

at kung maisasakatuparan ba natin
at mapalalaganap nang libong doble pa
ang mga sarili at pangarap na magkasabay nating hinubog.
"Hindi ang isa't isa ang tinitingnan ng mga nagmamahalan,
kundi ang kanilang iisang hantungan." (Kahlil Gibran)


Sa mundong bilog,
maghihiwalay tayo,
palayo sa isa't isa,
at magsisikap umabot sa pinakamalayo nating maaabot.


At dahil bilog nga ang mundo,
magkakasalubong muli tayo kung hindi tayo titigil sa pag-usad.
At dahil marami na tayong pinagdaanan sa pagkakataong ito,
mas mayaman na ang mga babaunin nating mapagsasaluhan.
At dahil hindi natin binitawan ang tamis ng dating ugnayan,
parang pag-uwi ang muli nating pagkikita,
magbabatian tayo sa lumang paraang nakagawian,
magkakamayan dahil sa kani-kaniyang naging kapalaran,
magkukumustahan upang makahabol sa mga bagay na 'di na natin nasubaybayan,

at saka tayo mahigpit na mahigpit,
tigib ng pangungulila at pag-ibig
at parang kahapon lamang,

na magyayakapan.

Hanggang sa muli...

Hiwalayan lang ito, hindi paalaman,




at kay tamis ng pangako ng hiwalayan!

because basketball is a good metaphor for everything.

you know like in a game of basketball, 

when you're down by 20 points 

and suddenly you make a run in the last 2 minutes and scored 19 straight,

putting the lead down to a single possession with 10 secs left at game clock

then the opponent hits a three to push the lead back up and only a single second to go.

cold-blooded three-pointer. 

you know, that feeling when you see that ball trickle in the basket;

cold sweat, hard thumping in the chest.

you lose confidence, you lose faith.

your mind gets disoriented. 

And in less than a second, you tell yourself all the good things to compose yourself back;

“you did your best.”

“it was a hard fought game.”

“all heart. True fighter.”

You get the ball, throw a prayer

and the ball goes in.

And you’re still down a point, the buzzer sounds.

Game is over.

And again, you tell yourself all the good things to compose yourself back.

“you did even more than the best.”

“you fought hard ‘til the end.”

“you had THE never-say-die attitude.”

It was a good game.

Say, you scored 29 pts,

Dished out 24 assts,

Grabbed 13 rebs, 7 steals, 2 blks.

Only 3 turnovers.

It was a good game.

People come to you saying all these good stuff;

“You were a monster out there.”

“such a fighter.”

“you did the best you could.”

“you have a heart of a true champion.”

Bullshit.

you’re an athlete.

A loss is a loss.

What you did was not enough.

A loss is always a loss.

A loss is always a loss and a loss is always hard to swallow.

You’re a competitor.

You know how to fall hard.

You know how to stand-up.

Today, the game’s not yours.

You walk out with your head down.

But the moment this day ends,

You know you’ve got to rise back up.

Step-back up.

With head high up with pride.

On to the next ball-game.

it was cold-blooded.
no question asked, no advise, none.
at a swing of fate,
she was gone.

she didn't leave any marks behind.
no word, no apologies.
it was as if she didn't exist.
as if I did not exist.

as if she did not ask me to stay.

Law of Attraction

It’s the start of a new decade. Looking forward to this one. Maybe it’s best to list things I want to do or I would want to achive!

1. I want to watch World Cup LIVE either in Brazil or in Russia. It would be great if I’d be able to watch and support the azkals but I think that’s for the next decade. Hopefully in Qatar.
2. After this decade I’d be 33. (what?? 33!!) It would be great to have settled down by then, and having a family with kids and all.
3. I also want to believe that I’d be successful by then. Whether it’s in the law profession, corporate world or media. Or even politics. The task for the next 3-4 years is to find the path I want to follow.
4. Watching a Live NBA game would be nice too. Or a Pacquiao-Mayweather fight even if they end up fighting when they’re 40 already.
5. Thinking ahead, it would be nice that by that time, I’ve already travelled half the world. Starting from the local islands of the country, out to Southeast Asia, then Asia then Europe!
6. I’m looking forward to a reunion with HS classmates (probably in 2016) and College friends (2019) and see how much we’ve grown after 10 years. And it would be nice if I’d be able to share quite an adventure.
7. Writing a book would be nice too. Collection of poems or short stories. Or even making my own independent filmAnother goal is to read more and more books.
8.  Actually, I love documentaries. And in this decade, I wish I’d be able to make one documentary that would touch people’s lives.
9. To add to my knowledge. To make me a bit more interesting person. Self-development, I guess. or nerd-vanity Haha!
10.  and, A BETTER RELATIONSHIP WITH GOD.

starting anew.

I haven't really thought of the specific things i'd like to achieve this year. Last year was just crazy and just to survive it, i feel really blessed. i've got a feeling this year would be much better. 

i had a talk with Jan a few months back. we talked about finding my "thing". the "thing" being that something that i would wake up everyday to and be inspired to do and be a master of. i've done quite a lot the past 15 years of my life-- played in a varsity basketball team, wrote scripts and joined theater, be in a band, join politics-- but none of it were focused on. so this year, i'll try to find that one thing i really want to get my life on. it's never too late, i guess. 

i want to start by writing on my blog again. so i can keep track of myself. 

2010 was a crazy year. but ive got a lot to be thankful for. for one, it was the same year i first went outside the country to London! Here's one of my best pictures with a crappy camera i brought. haha! 

happy new year  everybody! i wish you all well!