it is going to be the first time in 4 years that i won't be planning anything for tomorrow, June 10. for the past years ever since half my college life, 10th of June has always been special. it was when i made a promise to someone that "i'd be on her side" to which i faithfully did as much as i can. I remember the tireless weeks of planning and planning, taking photos, editing videos, pulling out the perfect song. I remember the pizza, the balloons, the cake and that simple gesture of hug on the street. I also remember the 'slumber party' and how i managed to cook my very first red-sauced pasta and nachos. The cheese dip and sauce were awesome, to say the least. I remember the website I put up so friends all over the world can write on it. i remember making a semi- Dr. Seuss poem that i don't think was appreciated as much as I was excited about it. I remember the book of compiled secrets and how I attached my own secret on it. And I remember how she promised me nothing will ever change once the school year starts-- everything started to change 2 weeks after.
These, for a fact, were fun times. This is why I have been conflicted the past few days. For the first time in 4 years, June 10 will be a normal day. no gimiks, no surprises, no cakes, no songs. Just another day. And though I have a chance of doing something because i still care, I probably won't. It's not because I don't care anymore, but it's because I just want to start getting used to June 10 not being special. besides, I am already getting used to not having her around. besides, she was the one who decided to go. Thing is, I still feel like I need to do something just so her day won't be a waste. because i still care about her. Because, once in my lifetime, i did love her. And though I know everyone who knew of what I've been through the past year would definitely disagree or be mad at me.. part of me is still saying: just this one last time.
Happy Birthday.
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